The CNFLE IV 2012 Draft Review

 THE 2012 DRAFT REVIEW

And so it begins.

With the immaculately shampooed red carpet nestling in place, like a large furry tongue, the bunting strung up from the rather splendid Art Deco facade, ticker tape, released from the official Carlton blimp overhead falling wistfully from the skies, the Michican State University band played Dixie at the New York City Radio Hall as the 2012 Carlton’s NFLE IV draft day arrived in style and wonder and welcomed A list, B list and many, many, many barely known but quite attractive and scantily clad female celebrities into their fold to grace the most spectacular fantasy draft ever, especially Kaley Cuoco, who somehow managed to grab herself a seat nestled between Lars and Peter in the Swedish sector.

Kaley Cuoco. Nestled between Lars and Peter.

With the hall packed to the gunwhales, a drumroll purred and the lights dimmed as the spotlight fell onto the centre of the lacquered timber boarded stage onto which our beloved Commish firmly strode. He paused, clicked his heels together and bowed, ‘It is with great pleasure that I can call the 2012 CNFLE IV draft officially open.’ The crowd went berserk, especially the slightly inebriated Irish contingent and the cacophony that filled the acoustically superior venue played a passionate melody that sent shivers down the spine of each and every one of the Coaches that were there that day.

The Commish continued, ‘You will recall that with the draft only weeks away the off season was plunged into chaos with the possible introduction of keeper league restrictions starting in 2013. However with League opinion over the suitability of such an amendment to the League Constitution split down the middle, I can confirm that a potential crisis has been averted at the last moment and that the CNFLE IV will remain in its current format for now and the foreseeable future’.

The crowd went wilder, streamers and balloons flew around the upper decks and someone let off a rocket which barely missed Disco Coach Wilson’s ear. ‘That was lucky’ he thought.

The Commish smiled and calmed down the hysterical audience, using his balloon art training received at Stanford.

‘It’s a road runner’ he explained. As the clock ticked down to zero.

‘Pauls Polarbears, you are on deck’ announced our Commish, and the camera panned round to Coach Bryants table as the audience eagerly awaited.

To be greeted by a row of empty seats?

A gasp of incredulity reverberated around the packed auditorium.

‘Not again’ mumbled the Commish, and as quick as a flash he gesticulated into the wings, feverishly ordering the stage hands ‘quick, quick get the autopick ready’. He shook his head disconsolately. ‘Why’ he asked himself, ‘why?’

Pauls Polarbears.  Stranded.

‘With the First pick of the Carlton’s NFLE IV 2012 draft, Pauls Polarbears pick… Arian Foster,’ the stunned crowd regained its wild enthusiasm and erupted once more, but were silenced only moments later when Coach Martin was next to hand his card over.

‘With the second pick, 79FC pick… Tom Brady, is this right?’ the hush returned, Brady over Rodgers? That wasn’t in the script.

Coach Richard could barely believe his luck his well practiced strategies had all but been tossed asunder with that the second pick. Surely the Bench Warmers would take the Packers signal caller next?’ And he did.

 McCoy then went to Coach Andy at 4.

Then up stepped Coach Cullen, who was promising big things for his revered Royale franchise. The Commish read on. ‘With the 5^th pick, Royale with Td’s pick…. Ray Rice’

‘Noooooo’ came the shriek from the Coaches tables, ‘Aaaargh’ wailed Coach Cullen, and he ran like a maniac down to the Commish to plead his case, throwing himself at his shiny loafered feet and grabbing our beloved leader by the ankles, pleading, ‘I wanted Brees. My Mac has not let me select who I want, please let me have Brees, please Brees, please!’

The Commish shook his head and called two of the larger garden variety of League security staff over from their strategically invisible location to forcibly remove Coach Cullen from the stage.

Still wailing.

Calvin Johnson went with the 6^th Pick to French Leader.

 

 Botond and his Fear Factory picked up the still available Brees at 7^th position.

A loud sob was heard coming from somewhere in the auditorium, and a sniffle, and what sounds like ‘please Brees, please’

And then the first run on a position came as the two remaining elite QB options were picked, Newton went with the 8^th pick to Coach Lars and his Bone Rocks.

Matt Stafford also ended up in Sweden with last years North champion Coach Peter. 

 

With Dnickman no more, Rodgers gone and the elite QB’s off the board the West Coast mafia had a tough call to make. The seconds ticked on.

Tick 30 seconds remaining

Tock 20 seconds remaining

Tick 10 seconds remaining

Which one to choose? CJ2K or Dmac? Coach Cullen couldn’t choose? Finally he sprinted down the steps and handed the card to the legendary Commish.

‘With the 10^th pick’ announced our glorious leader, ‘West Coast Mafia take…’ a hush descended, ‘Chris Johnson’, and sent the crowd into ecstatic raptures.

The Disco then swept up Dmac at 11, which they seemed to consider a steal before our reigning Champion Ttttaylor offered up his card.

‘With the final pick of the first round of the CNFLE IV 2012 draft, your 2011 Champion Ttttaylor selects’

The hushed anticipation returned once more,

…’Julio Jones’

And then the crowd went completely mental, someone let a pack of wild dogs in, gunfire was heard over in the direction of the mafia, French Leaders saucy can can girls high kicked their way across the stage much to the delight of Coach Ttttaylor and thrash metal blasted out from the oversized speakers carried in by a load of hells angels still riding their hogs. It was pandemonium fore sure.

As the Commish called for hush the riot gradually subsided but barely audible over the general hubbub came a faint sound.

‘Please, Brees, please’.

The Coaches continued drafting under great pressure, some retreated into their shell to avoid costly mistakes, some bantered their way through it, but at the end they all came through with fourteen players who will represent their franchise for the 2012 season.

NORTH DIVISION

PAULS POLARBEARS

Despite not making the draft for the second consecutive year, the rebranding of the franchise seems to have changed the fortunes for Coach Bryant. Foster is the best Running back in the league (when healthy) and is joined by a solid receiving corps lead by Greg Jennings and Roddy White with Percy Harvin (a candidate for a breakout season) as the number 3. Sproles is figured to be the #1 back in the Big Easy so will post regular double digit returns, and Manning Jnr still gets no love and dropped into Pauls lap in round 6 after career numbers in 2011. Finley could be an elite tight end at the end of the year if Rodgers decides to throw it his way. Add to the mix the best kicker in the game and a Lions defence that has a relatively soft start to the season and things could be looking up for the Polarbears.

BEST PICK : 49 – DARREN SPROLES

BIT OF A REACH : 168 – DUSTIN KELLER

PROJECTED SCORE : 1661pts

DRAFT GRADE : A (downgraded to F for non attendance)

TIM RIGGINS BENCH WARMERS

Refusing to look a gift horse in the mouth will often lead to fantasy success, and luckily for the Bench Warmers, former North Division winner, Coach Richard gobbled up his gift horse with glee when he took Aaron Rodger with the 3^rd overall pick. Cruz and Turner will need to replicate last years numbers and Coach Richard will be hoping this is the year that Reggie Bush finally breaks out. Dez Bryant should give some value for a 5^th round pick and it is always nice to see the Bench Warmers draft CJ Spiller.

BEST PICK : 3- AARON RODGERS

BIT OF A REACH : 123 – ALEX SMITH

PROJECTED SCORE : 1596

DRAFT GRADE : B+

AUTOPICK WARRIORS

Following the Apple Mac picking lemons debacle, Coach Conor wants nothing more to do with his squad and has put himself on a one year suspension for bounty hitting after he was found to have coconut residue under his finger nails. With the elimination of human error from proceedings, Coach Autopick landing an elite back, two elite receivers and a top 6 RB prospect before a clavicle debacle. Not bad. With Dwayne Bowe landed as the third wideout and Philip Rivers grabbed in the 6^th the Warriors line up looks set for a big season this year.

BEST PICK : 29 – AJ GREEN

BIT OF A REACH : PRETENDING NOT TO BE HAPPY WITH THE AUTOPICK TEAM

PROJECTED SCORE : 1664

DRAFT GRADE : A+ (downgraded to D- for changing the franchise name)

SUPER SWEDES

The Swedes took a leaf from two of the best teams of last year and grabbed Stafford and Gronk with their first two picks. Marshawn Lynch could be a steal in the third given that the Seahawks will run the ball first in the absence of an air attack, but the fact he signed a huge contract extension may leave question marks about Beast Mode’s desire. With a receiver not taken by the Swedes until the fourth round, the wideout set looks a little thin in star quality but Coach Peter drafted well late on and has depth in numbers. The Law Firm and McGahee make an impressive pairing for the #2 spot out of the backfield

BEST PICK : 57 - BEN JARVUS GREEN ELLIS

BIT OF A REACH : 64 – REGGIE WAYNE

PROJECTED SCORE : 1559

DRAFT GRADE : B-

CENTRAL DIVISION

IT’S A LOTTERY

Have the Lottery numbers finally come up? Is this the year that it all comes together? This draft certainly has the potential to lead the Lottery to glory if…. Well yes if, Jones Drew signs, if Wallace gets fit and if  Peyton can rotate his head past 5 degrees. Jones Drew a potential top 10 pick prior to the hold out could be a master stroke as the complementary back to the first round pick McCoy. A receiving corps that has Welker, Wallace and a potential breakout Decker looks solid all round, and Tamme could over late round value at tight end. If Peyton can rediscover his old self this could be a team to fear. Words that you never thought you’d say #212, ‘Good draft Lottery’

BEST PICK : 21 - MJD

BIT OF A REACH : 100 – ANDREW LUCK

PROJECTED SCORE : 1547

DRAFT GRADE : B-

BONE ROCKS

Picking in the middle is tough. The six, seven, eight spots can’t really shape the draft and much of the time Coaches are reacting to what has happened or pre-empting was could happen by the time the pick makes it way back which can often mean catching the end of a run or reaching for a player above their actual draft value. The Bones will live or die on the back of whether the other 31 teams have managed to find a way to stop super Cam. There is a big question mark about whether Dre Johnson can stay healthy for a whole season. Greens and Martin offer potential as a one, two punch and will be ably backed up by Brandon Jacobs or Frank Gore whichever gets more playing time. The receivers look thin, but Pettigrew was a nice snaffle at tight end in the ninth round.

BEST PICK : 89 – BRANDON PETTIGREW

BIT OF A REACH : 80 – MICHAEL CRABTREE

PROJECTED SCORE : 1494

DRAFT GRADE : C

WEST COAST MAFIA

After reports suggested that the Mafia had made a mess of their mock drafts, the results of the actual draft must have been a welcome relief. The pairing of CJ2K and Matt Forte offers a solid base from which to work, and Coach Cullen will be hoping they can repeat their 2008-9 form. Jordy Nelson could be the #1 target in Green Bay this year and Romo will post good numbers, however his lack of O-line and any big name receivers may hinder his early season numbers. Coach Cullen has a great selection of back up receivers to choose from and avid Wilson could end up being a steal inn the 13th round. In amongst all the great selections there is only one problem that we can envisage, just who will be cut before the first game to make way for the missing kicker?

BEST PICK : 34 - JORDY NELSON

BIT OF A REACH : Not taking a kicker

PROJECTED SCORE : 1414

DRAFT GRADE : C- (potential to improve once a legal team formation is confirmed)

TTTTAYLOR

With the final pick of the first round, the current champ sprung a bit of a surprise when he plumped for Atlanta wideout Julio Jones. Admittedly Jones has been carving it up in preseason and has the potential to be a breakout candidate this year, but many saw him as a late 2^nd rd, early 3^rd pick. However if you want a particular player at the 12/13 position you tend to have to reach to get them. The same could be said for Jamaal Charles. The rhythm of the Tttaylor draft was nice as he maintained balance throughout taking one receiver and then a back for each of the first six picks culminating in the selection of Matty Ice which could prove to be a hammer blow for the league as it pairs top wideout with sleeper QB. If that sounds familiar then it should as last year Ttttaylor went with a Megatron and Staff combo. With no pressure on Ttttaylor to select a defensive unit, he will use his first round free agent pick to bring in a suitable match up based alternative. The champ will be there or thereabouts.

BEST PICK : 61 – MATT RYAN

BIT OF A REACH : 13 JAMAAL CHARLES

PROJECTED SCORE : 1549

DRAFT GRADE : B

SOUTH DIVISION

79FC

The season 2 champ has been challenged by the Commish to rediscover his championship form after spectacularly falling from grace last year. So, if you are in need of a figurehead to re-energise the franchise who do you turn to? Yes Terrific Tom who has been a fantasy god for as long as you can remember. Coach Martin has turned to the Pats again for his #2 reciever and running back but will be looking for a big season from Jimmy Graham to complement the high scoring Patriots. The 79FC fans will be hoping that Trent Richardsons surgery proves to be a minor issue moving forward without a reliable running back alternative to call on. The selection of RGIII will illicit some trade interest should the Redskins rookie take the SuperCam route on his first season. Antonio Brown could be a steal in round four if Big Ben sets his radar properly.

BEST PICK : 26 – TRENT RICHARDSON

BIT OF A REACH : 98 JURON CRINER

PROJECTED SCORE : 1543

DRAFT GRADE : C+

FRENCH LEADER

A revitalized French Leader narrowly missed out on a playoff berth last season and looking at the draft this outcome for Coach Laurent they will be right in the thick of things come the end of the season. The undisputed king of the wide receivers Calvin Johnson will be two other team number one wideouts in Colston and Maclin. Vernon Davis is a solid pick at tight end and will look to build on his reputation at the end of last year. Veterna running back Steven Jackson is still the only option in St Louis and once All Days knee completely heals he will also be the man back in the Twin Cities. If Big Ben can get things going at Three Rivers then this French Revolution could leave his divisional rivals begging for mercy. Coach Laurent has plenty of depth in all departments.

BEST PICK : 19 - ADRIAN PETERSON

BIT OF A REACH : FRENCH LEADER CAN STAY FOCUSED FOR THE YEAR?

PROJECTED SCORE : 1599

DRAFT GRADE : A-

FEAR FACTORY

After a great start to the season last time out, the Factory failed to capitalize and although they only missed out on the final day were left to pick from the middle this year. They were the beneficiaries of the Royales inability to draft Brees and backed that up with Botonds favourite Buffalese son since the glory days of Kelly and Thomas, Fred Jackson. Best pick was Brandon Marshall in round three who is set for a massive year reunited with his best bud Jay Cutler. If Austin can overcome his injury issues and Benson can claim a regular starting spot at Lambeau then this set of players has the potential to go deep into the season. Randy Moss could be the zombie of the year of all time if he gets things going on the Bay

BEST PICK : 31 – BRANDON MARSHALL

BIT OF A REACH : 18 – FRED JACKSON

PROJECTED SCORE : 1545

DRAFT GRADE : C+

THE HAIRY FROG DISCO

It seems that last years runners up decided it was time to go for it hell for leather or die trying at least and their 2012 draft is full of potential although fraught with the possibility of disaster. Nowhere moreso than with their first round choice D-mac who has only touched the ball more than 130 times once in the last four seasons due to his injury record. More brittle selections occurred in round 3 and then again in round four with Hakeem (foot) Nicks and Michael Vick (heart). On paper the first choice team looks very strong, but alas the game is not played on paper and the lack of quality depth in the running back position and the reluctance of Coach Wilson to draft a back up for Vick suggests that this Coach is playing with fire, will he get burnt or will he get lucky?

BEST PICK : 14 - DEMARCO MURRAY

BIT OF A REACH : 38 - MICHAEL VICK

PROJECTED SCORE : 1584

DRAFT GRADE : B

‘And that concludes the 2012 CNFL IV draft’ said the Commish, ‘and the crowd left to a murmur of contentment’

As soon as the curtains came down and the last spotlight bade farewell, the press core scampered to the telephone booths, connected to the wifi to sent the amazing storyof an another amazing CNFLE draft down the wires to their Editor.

Vasco de Game stood solitary, chewing his wooden toothpick and nonchalantly stuck a piece of paper on the wall in the lobby of the Radio City Music Hall

It read :

Latest odds as supplied by the official CNFLE turf accountant, Vasco de Gama

4-7 Ttttaylor

Evens Royale With TD’s

5-4 French Leader

7-4 Hairy Frog Disco

3-1 Bryants Baptists

3-1 Tim Riggins Bench Warmers

5-1 It’s a Lottery

5-1 Super Swedes

11-2 West Coast Mafia

15-2 Fear Factory

8-1 Seventy Nine FC

10-1 Bone Rocks

We’re back!

Bob & Carl